“One of my favorite quotes by Pastor Michael Bernard Beckwith, was mentioned during a Super Soul Sunday interview with Oprah Winfrey, “ Fear pushes while the vision pulls.” This quote has great significance to me because I experience this spiritual ideology in my own life. Two weeks before I lost my eye sight, in January of this year, I had a dream that I was going to go blind. I was in a neighborhood with tree lined streets, much like the brownstone communities I grew up around in Brooklyn New York. I was standing on one side of the street and something told me you are going to loose your eyesight but don’t be afraid it will come back as soon as you cross the street. In the dream in that moment I lost my eyesight and I was not afraid and then when I “crossed the street” my eyesight returned.
After that dream, I got very sick, and almost lost my vision permanently. I could not see at all for a week until I finally went to an ophthalmologist. They diagnosed me with high eye pressure due to narrow angle closure and said that I needed to have cataract surgery immediately or I would run the risk of loosing my eyesight permanently. During span of time, between surgery and recovery was the most intense spiritual journey of my life. I was so scared. I felt so vulnerable, lonely and fearful of my future. Being a very independent person, it was very difficult for me to rely on my family or anyone, for help. Now I was dependent on them for assistance. Now after I had completed my surgeries, I reflected on how my faith and prayer sustained me. My eyesight is slowly returning, praise the Most High.
Although it is not the same as it was before, I believe God had to remove my vision (eyesight) so that the clarity of my (spiritual) vision could pull me towards the life I was meant lead. Many great master teachers and spiritual leaders talk about this idea of how a major cross over experience has shaped the journey of their future life and brought them closer to their purpose. I believe this was my cross over/ cross the street experience. As life unfolds I am forever changed for the better. I feel I have been given a second chance to experience gratitude on a higher level than before I temporarily lost my eyesight. I used to see myself as how I thought I should appear or how others perceived me to be, not realizing how much fear and stress was blocking my true potential or vision for myself. Now as I continue on this journey to full recovery I believe I am truly ready for the next chapter of my life because I deserve to live the life of self-worth. “